It won’t always be downhill:)

There are certain incidents in one’s life which challenge the very basis of all the principles that you have believed and lived by…either such incidents make you or break you! In case of latter, they often leave a mark which takes a long long time to heal. You may come out of it a stronger person or you may choose to dwell in self pity and remorse! But do you have a choice? Yes! You do. You have the choice of looking at the positives that such an incident gets with it, the lesson it offers you and the inner strength that it helps you discover. I have often  seen and experienced that life balances itself out. Where it gives you hurt, it gives you reasons which justify that hurt. If it takes away something from you, it gives you a lot to thank God for. If it makes you stumble and fall, it also gives you the strength to get up and run…the yin-yang balance:) Optimism from a pessimist like me is a big deal..trust me! So if I can see it, why can’t you? One usually turns philosophical when one is pained…and so is the case with me. Some pointers which i would like to share:

1. Don’t try and be strong. Cry, fuss, crib..do anything and everything that helps you get things out of your system (even if it means stress eating! :P)
2. Talk about it…to friends, family or anyone you are comfy confiding in..Speak about it and tell them exactly how you feel, pushing it under the carpet never helps.
3. Stop judging yourself for the things you do or the way you react.Give yourself a long rope and tell yourself you are well within your rights to be unreasonable..People who care for you will understand (trust me!)
4. I know people advise not to slip into the self pity mode..I beg to differ! Feel bad for yourself and pity yourself..for as long as you feel like. You feel like a victim..fair enough! Behave like one..who cares? Do not mask your emotions, let them flow.
5. Take a break if possible..a new surrounding does wonders! Avoid making it a solitary confinement..tell a friend to tag along.
6. Get into a routine..have a choc-o-block schedule. Also, get back to your hobbies (you will realize there is so much to do! and so much you are good at 🙂 Make sure you have yourself occupied for most part of the day.
7. Start a rigorous exercise schedule..it could be running, hitting the gym with a vengeance or just playing a sport which involves a lot of physical effort. (the feel good hormone theory works!)
8. Last but not the least….acceptance! Accept the situation, the hurt, the guilt, the bad, the good or whatever there is to it..Accept things and move on for life can not be lived by constantly looking in the rear view mirror.  Life moves on..so must we!

A biker friend of mine made a wonderful observation when he told me “The one thing that cycling has taught me is…when it is getting harder and harder, you are definitely going uphill” The same stands true for life 🙂

HER STORY

She spotted him on the other side of the street and fastened her pace. Her first instinct was to hide her face so that he could not recognize her. But then she paused and wondered, what was she scared of? What wrong had she done? Nothing! The biggest mistake that she had made was to rush into marriage when she was all of 24 years. And the other blunder was to give up her job to make sure that she made a good wife and an ideal daughter-in-law. God! How could she be such a fool! What made her think that working women did not make good homemakers? But, back then she was all starry eyed about the new life that she had found herself. She had lost her parents very young so she finally saw a ‘perfect’ life ahead, just like the fairy tales she grew up reading. It was only after 2 months of marriage that her dreams turned to nightmares. It started with minor disagreements but she could not recollect when they all turned to major issues. He suddenly was the demon she had never prepared herself for. It got overbearing when verbal arguments turned to physical abuse. When he thought beating her black & blue was the only way she would ‘come to her senses’. And she took it every time hoping and praying it was the last time, hoping for things to get better, hoping for a better tomorrow. She found her ‘perfect’ world falling apart and she wanted to save it at any cost. So, she always rationalized his unruly behavior. It was not that she did not want a normal life but all her wants were weighed down by hopes of making her marriage work. Until one day, when she was rummaging through her cupboard and found a diary which belonged to her mom. She wondered how she had never laid eyes on it. But she saw it as a sign, maybe God had made her find it at a time when she needed it the most, when she needed her mom the most. She opened it waiting to find some solace in her mom’s writings. But what she read made her world crash. There were accounts of her father’s brutalities on her mother on a daily basis, some she could not bear to read. She did not want to believe that her father, whom she looked up to was the person that the diary pages shouted out loud. That explained why she was sent to a hostel from the very beginning, which explained why she was asked to pursue all her extracurricular in the summer holidays rather than being brought home like other students. And she in all her innocence had always believed that her parents were so proud of their little daughter and wanted her to excel in life. She had never thought in her wildest dreams that she was being shielded by her mother from the skeletons that lay buried deep down. It suddenly dawned on her that she was living her mother’s life. She was subjecting herself to humiliation and gradually losing respect for herself. The knowledge that her mother went through physical abuse and pretended to be happily married was enough to shirk her and decide that the patterns had to change; history shall not be repeated. She owed it to her mother and more than that she owed it to herself. That’s when she walked out of a dead relationship, into life. It was not easy to put life together but she did it with sheer grit and determination, with her strength and conviction to fight injustice. She gradually pieced her life together, found a new life for herself and wondered where she had lost herself all this while. Now, she is an independent working woman with a new purpose in life. She has been able to restore faith in herself and helps other women do the same by volunteering for an NGO which aides’ women facing domestic violence. With this new found confidence, she just strode past him without giving him a second look. She knew she deserved a better life and she had every right to be happy. She walked into the twilight with the realization that she could find peace and happiness within.

there is still hope..

who says politics is a dirty game?it is a wealthy game my friend!:D and who knows it better than our very own politicians.poor hard working souls..they do so much for our country that even if they swindle few crores of rupees,it is not a big deal!

we wake up to a new scam everyday..from kalmadi making a lot of ‘common’ wealth from the games to the the 2G scam being cited as the baap of all scams and the latest Loan scandal.it is like a soap opera, a whodunit which runs across all papers and news channels. numerous experts sit there and give their oh-so-important opinion which could make a world of a difference(as if). then starts the blame game! the party wars,allegations and counter allegations make sure that the people are fed on enough drama to keep them entertained.

such is the sad state of affairs..but as a friend put it,what is worse is that people now have no qualms about being corrupt…hence the death of our conscience.

but every dark cloud has a silver lining..and thats what we saw in the recent bihar election results.where people cut across caste barriers and voted for development.its in our hands to choose leaders who are worthy of running our country and not treating it like their personal ATM(i am not quite good at drawing parallels!) so it is not quite the end..there is still hope…

*faith is the bird that sings even when the dawn is dark*

I for Identity:)

when i passed my 10th standard and was to choose a stream for myself, i was in a fix.i happened to be fairly good in all the subjects so marks was never the criteria.the next obvious step is ‘asking your parents’.when i turned to them, my dad questioned,”tell me what is your dream?”

i kept thinking for about 15 minutes….and gosh! it dawned on me that i did not know my dream or worse i did not have one!shucks!was i normal? everyone was supposed to have one…that is what i thought.

well now i think a bit differently.sometimes its good not to know..its good to experiment with life and learn to figure out things for yourself rather than having them figured out in your head..its good to realize your dreams:) because then you know they are all yours. thankfully i have not done too badly for myself:P

but we still have parents who believe in living their lives or fulfilling their ambitions through their kids.one such father-son duo came to our place for career guidance from my dad.the son wanted to be a film director but the dad insisted he study literature and become an ‘intellectual'(perhaps something which he always wanted to be.and only if intellectuals could be made:D).i wanted to tell the father that why not let the son do what he wants to! what is the harm in letting him live his dreams without having to feel guilty about letting down his parents.the best part of taking one’s own decisions is that you can take responsibility for them.

the famous quote by kahlil gibran sums it up very well-‘your children are not your children. they came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.’

its important for parents to treat their children as different individuals and not try and turn them  into carbon copies! because when you try and become someone, you end up losing yourself.

….because it matters

what really makes me sad is when my intentions are questioned..what makes it worse is when its done by someone

very close to you(read-best friends)..someone who has the right to hurt you..is it so important to tell people who know

you really well (or claim to)that you mean good? i have always followed the policy of believing the best

about people(in case of strangers) and not going by what others say or think..then why cant people close to you do the

same? specially because you have shared with them, you have trusted them and you have done the best by them.still

when they question you and behave like strangers, it leaves one heart broken..is it me who expects too much

from my friends? or probably my fault that i put them on a pedestal..when nothing is perfect..why do i expect them

to be..?

random thoughts..

I have never been the adventurous kinds..change(of any kind) gives me jitters. Thats how i have been since childhood.i get attached to people, places, things and even a house(yes you read it right!).Left to me, i would go on living at thesame place, with the same set of people and with the same job..you might think i m insane:Pi have never been able to figure out why is it so? maybe its the fear of not knowing how to deal with something new.maybe i am too comfortable in my own little world or too lazy to come out of my comfort zone..oh wait wait..i haveanother theory-maybe its just because i prefer stability and permanence(at least thats what i would like to think:Di remember having a tough time when i had to change my school after 10th standard..it meant ‘new’ people, ‘new’environment and a ‘new’ everything..too much of newness to deal with..trust me when i say it, i was paranoid! But as they say life is the best teacher..I m learning that change in itself is not good or bad..our response towards change makes it so..and yes! sometimes change is very much needed and may prove to be very positive..i wont say i am a ‘changed’ person now but i am definitely trying to open up..:)

Is God Just A Comfort Zone?

“I am sick and tired of being blamed for everything by these people, tired of hearing ‘why did you do this to me?Why did you want this to happen?it is all your fault.’ Tell me, why human beings have become so selfish?”, said the wise voice. I woke up startled. It was only a dream and i had seen God in my dream, heard His voice too.

It was then that i thought, yes, how selfish we have become. Whenever anything goes wrong we shrug responsibility and blame poor God. If only He could express His anguish, if only He could talk. He would just turn away his face and refuse to acknowledge our presence. When the going is smooth, we hardly remember Him but the moment we are in trouble God is to be blamed.

Whenever you walk into a temple, mosque or church, you feel reassured and secure as if your father has cuddled you. You can always deposit all your worries and anxieties at His  doorstep. He is like a shock absorber in our life but we have no right to turn Him into a punching bag.

i remember having read a story about a believer and God. When the believer was walking through life, he always saw two sets of footprints but whenever he was in trouble, he noticed only one set of footprints. When he died and went to heaven, he asked God about this. God answered, “My son, when when your life was going on smoothly, I always walked with you but when you were in trouble, I was carrying you on my shoulders.”

We need to realize His presence and have faith in Him. God is within us. So if we distrust him, somewhere we are also losing faith in ourselves. Blaise Pascal said, “It is the heart which experiences God and not the reason.” How true these words are for we are always looking for reasons to remember God. Whether we think of Him in success or in failure, the truth is that if there was no God, we would have to invent one!

my survival toolkit

When it was definite that I would be joining a B-school to do a MBA, I was showered with opinions/suggestions/advice from parents, friends and well wishers. I would like to share them with you and I am quite sure many of you would identify with them.

1)    “Learn to value time, for time once lost cannot be brought back. You are going to be a professional and time management is essential for a manager to function effectively”(no prizes for guessing that it came from my parentsJ

I needed that piece of advice because punctuality and I are poles apart (my teachers could testify this!). But after one year of a MBA and running a race against time, I have improved. Still a long way to go though!

2)    “Expand your horizons and seek knowledge instead of gaining it”. We all have this tendency of being spoon fed and getting things on a platter. But I have realized that one has to sweat it out, nothing comes easy in life, except troubles which more than often come in twos!

3)    “Learn to say NO when needed. Be assertive and stand up for yourself”. This is one piece of advice which I have failed to adhere to despite numerous attempts (genuine attempts, trust me!). I have finally concluded that though saying NO is very important to be a survivor (especially in the shrewd corporate world) but nothing is worth going against your basic nature. So devise your own survival techniques!

4)    “In a professional set-up, for which you are being prepared, there are no permanent friends or enemies, there are only permanent interests” (it was a friend’s personal experience speaking). I have not encountered any situation which would make me believe so but I think in every set up, one has to be prepared to deal with all sorts of people and eventualities. So why be judgemental!

5)    “Be passionate about whatever you do. Because ultimately it’s your enthusiasm and zeal that sees you through”. (These were the words of a motivational speaker I heard at a seminar). I struggled to reconcile the cold hard facts about corporate strategy with emotions and passion. Plus it was difficult to be enthusiastic when you were bleary-eyed and had deadlines to meet. But when I put in my heart and soul into an assignment, I felt driven. So the conclusion I drew was- it pays to suspend thinking. Try feeling about your work.

6)    “Learn to blow your own trumpet because the world is divided into the people who do things and the people who get the credit”(this one comes from people who have/ are going through the work grind). It is very important to highlight your achievements and be proud of them but it is equally important to take criticism in your stride and own up and learn from your mistakes.

I would like to add a disclaimer- all the views expressed above have nothing to do with anyone in particular and in case you somehow decide to test them out, please do so at your own riskJ

Mr. Right or Right Now? :P

My dad’s aunt called up the other day..i happen to pick up her call and as is the norm asked her about everybody’s well being.she made a statement which really took me by surprise..”oh my daughter! she is in Goa attending her friend’s wedding. Infact she is attending everyones wedding except her own!”

this kind of reaction is pretty normal for an indian mother whose daughter is of marriageable age.infact till she does not worry herself sick or tell her countless relatives about how ‘worried’ she is, you could say something is amiss!(i still don’t know why was i surprised!)

In india,when a girl turns 23 her family especially the mom starts planning  her wedding and the ‘dekhna-dikhana’ starts.when she turns 25 and still has no one on her wishlist, the mom starts worrying(and hence start the regular visits to numerous astrologers).when she turns 26,mom moves on to the ‘EB’ formula(not to miss the not being in good health & getting on in years argument! works wonders:P)and when she nears 30..danger sign! mom is out there to get you married to(or tie u to..literally!) any guy she can get her hands on!!

i may have exaggerated a bit but more or less things are pretty much like this..yeah even today! to be fair to all the mums, we know you care..we know you want to do the best by your daughters but probably being married is not the be- all and end-all for us now! i wont say it is not important..it is! and it is also important that it happens at the right time.but more than that what matters is that it happens with the right person:)

if that takes a while..then be it so

mood swings..

i always used to wonder why people have mood swings?? till i had my own:P

well,i am always surrounded by people.not that i mind..i quite enjoy it! but there are times when i withdraw into my shell,don’t feel like communicating or having a conversation. i just feel like spending some time with ME,reflecting and gathering my thoughts. i know it comes across as erratic behavior to some but then i m also entitled to my mood swings:D

with so much going around you,with such packed schedules and high flying life i feel we all should spare some time for ourselves everyday..sit back and think of  the day gone by.lets just not go through the motions and be mechanical..lets live each MOMENT!:)